You have to start being more independent because true intimacy is about building a relationship with someone based on mutual respect and love. Codependency is a learned behavior and the only way to break the cycle is to stop participating in it. As we discussed in the introduction, codependency is a hard pattern to break. If you’re going to work on your relationship with your spouse, you have to first work on your relationship with yourself.
- Recovery from addiction is an ongoing journey that requires support from both partners.
- I mean, I putting myself in his shoes and that huge behavior change.
- And I thought I was cool with the wine, but I’m actually not.
- But what he experienced was, I was no longer hungover every morning and I was going to bed really early, but not passing out on the couch.
A Real-Life Example: Sarah and Tom’s Journey
So like from a husband’s perspective, whose wife has quit drinking? An outpatient program can be especially helpful as couples navigate their relationship during this newfound phase of sobriety. The patterns and interactions that were established during addiction are basically obliterated. A husband who used to stay out late drinking will now be spending much more time at home.
How to Set Up for a Successful Drug Intervention
And then I just started getting up really early to work out every day. So I think he felt a little ignored and didn’t quite understand why, but I was like, you know what? Like this is what I’m doing marriage changes after sobriety and I need to turn inward. And sushi had crap red wine and I never liked saki. So, we would go to sushi a lot.
Podcasts
And then at some point we drank because it was the younger, cooler thing to do. And we were sort of trying to recapture that youth. Or remember a time when we didn’t have the responsibilities of kind of adulting and being parents. One way to show your resolve to your recovery plan is by being a role model for others in the recovery community. Your friends and loved ones will see your choices and how your positive influence affects others.
Learning the Language of Addiction Recovery
And how that kind of changed. This episode is actually part 2 of a conversation that started with my husband, Mike, in Episode 71. And our roles Drug rehabilitation as parents and friends has been like, since I stopped drinking five and a half years ago. Originally, I thought this was going to be one episode, where I talked with Mike about all these things.
- Like this is what I’m doing and I need to turn inward.
- I would put in my earbud, I would listen to a sober book or podcast or something and just rock her to sleep.
- And you’re like, I’ve seen you.
- Top Dog has been the mainstay of the family and doing most of the parenting.
Or to just be like, well, you could drink on like special occasions, or like when we go on vacation. I’m like, oh, that’s adorable. That’s adorable that you think like we, we could pick and choose these options. And it’s pretty amazing that you had a friend though. I mean, that must have made things so much easier. It made things so much easier.
- It is important to be honest with yourself about whether you are truly ready for such a commitment.
- We’ll take a look at the most important things you need to know in order to get your marriage back on track.
- Firstly, it is important for individuals in recovery to have their own support system outside of the marriage.
Sarah and Tom were married for ten years, and Tom’s alcohol addiction had dominated the last five. Sarah managed the finances, cared for the kids, and made excuses for Tom’s behavior. When Tom got sober, Sarah felt immense relief, but also confusion. You know, a lot of times you don’t ask for the support you need without even giving the other person a chance to give it to you. So there’s a lesson, I think. For some people, which is the need for some honesty.